I remember the days when I would say, “shoulda, woulda, coulda.” “I should have done that. I would have done that had I known. I could have done that, dangit!” Then of course, I would analyze the whole process to death and beat myself up over and over like a bad movie. At the time, I didn’t realize that I was criticizing myself.
You have all done this, right? Made references to what you “should” have done? Should is so much in our vocabulary that eliminating it is a challenge. Because we “should” have known better, right? We want to do things “right.” We want “perfection.” There lies the issue. We are human and humans aren’t perfect 100% of the time nor are right 100% of the time. When you go to that land of “should.” You put yourself in the wrong, thus, this could end up putting yourself at risk for being criticized by others as well. When did you start being the judge and jury of you? When a moment comes where you would say, “I should have…,” take a breath and say, “what can I learn from this?” and “What can I do differently next time?”
When you least expect it, the “shoulda, woulda, coulda,” syndrome can strike. The critic pipes up and you end up feeling like what you might find on the bottom of your shoe. Does this really help? Does this increase your quality of life? Do you want this pattern to repeat, or do you want to learn something more remarkable about yourself? I prefer the latter for me. What about you?