As a teen I was fascinated with love songs. I had this idea of what love was, being nice to each other, affection, having a confidant, and friend. Raging hormones complicated all these perceptions of what I wanted young love to be (you too, huh?).
When I was young my parents were models of love. They showed my brothers and I, how to treat your partner. I saw respect, love, friendship, laughter, and a team. What was lacking, was how to fight fairly and effectively(I never really saw my parents fight). My other models for love were books I read, including some classics, like those by Daphne Du Maurier, Charlotte Bronte, and Jane Austen . I liked the idea of romantic love.
Control though, showed up in my early entry into boy-girl relationships. What I really needed to learn was the art of negotiation (this was not the fault of my parents). From my first relationship I learned a distorted sense of what fighting was, and my value of loyalty got in the way. I’m sharing this example because learning about your values helps you to negotiate in your relationships. Especially your love relationships.
Today, I have a wonderful man who completes me, despite driving each other crazy from time to time. LOL. Where we are now, is based on the foundation we built on the experiences we had before “we.” Our past experiences give us healthy conversations and love.
What did you learn in your early relationships that set you where you are today? Were your relationships healthy? What did you gain? What influenced your decisions and choice?
Happy Valentine’s Day!